


Don't Know Which Way To Turn

by JustCallMeGirlFriday



Series: Life is a mess [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 07:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustCallMeGirlFriday/pseuds/JustCallMeGirlFriday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that Reid has dealt with his horror from the Tobias Henkel case it is JJ's turn. She must overcome the nightmares of the dogs and she must finally overcome the guilt that she is carrying around for what happened to Reid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prelude

(Reid's POV)

It was opposed to be simple.

How can the simplest things in life can always turned out to be the most complicated?

We went on just a typical and simple house with a witness who was walking his dog at the time of a kidnapping. We were just going to ask if he had seen anything out of the ordinary that was all. Simple. Too the point. But that turned into the most life altering moment of my life; and not only my life but my partners.

When that door had slammed on us all we had too do was walk back to the SUV and climb in and drive on our way. But I decided to peek through the window and I saw all the video camas and he had caught me. I was so excited that perhaps I had caught our unsub that I convinced my partner to follow me to the barn in which the unsub had ran towards. No I didn't convince her, I made her follow. What a coup in my own head if I and JJ were able to capture the unsub on our own; than Hotch and the team would know that we could handle the tough cases and be in the lime light. I wanted to prove to Gideon that I had learned well from everything he had taken time to teach me. But all I did was in danger not only myself but JJ also. We weren't wearing our vests. We didn't even have the damn things in the SUV. No all we had were our guns, that was it.

But still there was time to walk no run back to the SUV and climb in and drive away down the road and call the team and just wait for the team to arrive. Than we would have gotten our vests on and than headed back to the Henkel farm and captured Tobias and brought him in and questioned him at the police station.

Simple. But no I Spenser Reid wasn't simple. No I was the genius and I wanted to impress JJ not only with my mind; but with the authority I had and I wanted to bring Tobias Henkel in without the team, I wanted JJ to look at me and finally realize that I was strong enough to protect her. That I was truly the man for her.

So I told her that I was going to go around back and she would come in from the front and we would have the unsub trapped and we would be able to bring him in nice and easy. I didn't give her a chance to reply I just rushed around the back of the barn and I arrived in time to see the unsub run towards the corn field. I didn't have enough time to yell for JJ to follow me as I gave chase. That was the biggest mistake of my life; and I live to regret it every day of my life. Once in the corn field I learned that Tobias Henkel had spilt personality and that he was himself, his dead father, Charles, and the arch angel Rafael. I suddenly heard JJ scream my name and I heard gun shots, I thought Tobias had gotten to her so I run as fast as I could back out of the corn field; but I didn't get far before Tobias knocked be onto my ass and told me that he was going to kill me.

The next thing I knew I was in a freezing cold hunting cabin and Tobias was toutching me. I thought Tobias had killed JJ, so I had no hope left on getting out of the situation alive. Even if I did than I would live with the guilt that I had led JJ too her death for the rest of my life. So when Tobias drugged me I didn't put up too much of a fight. But I wasn't willing to play Tobias … sorry Charles game and pick the victim to die. But two people died because I wasn't strong enough to fight Tobias and end his killing spree. But than Gideon came on scene and he told me that it wasn't my fault and that they were still searching for me and not to give up hope. But I had killed JJ so all hope for me was all lost. So I was relieved yet again when Tobias came and drugged me up once more, so I could return to my mother.

Than Charles demanded that I picked one of my team to die. I didn't. I held out as long as I could than I finally said Hotch and rattled off the reasons why and I quoted a scripture. Wrong. In hopes that Hotch would understand why I had to pick him. I was than led out to the cemetery and told to dig my own grave. When the flashlights came I managed to get the gun away from Charles and fire. I looked into Tobias's eyes as he laid dying; than Hotch was by my side and he helped me to my feet. I begged him to understand why I picked him; he said that he always understood.

Than by a sheer miracle JJ came through the woods and threw herself in my arms. JJ was alive. She was alive and well. She wasn't hurt. Thank God. But than what was sobbed broke through my drugged mind, she was apolizing to me for allowing me to be taken. I wanted to weep and beg for her forgiveness for allowing her life to be in jeopardy, but all I said was "It wasn't your fault." After another all too brief hug she let me go and than she turned and walked away. Morgan and Gideon tried to hug me; but I stepped away. I didn't walk away with my team I told them to give me a minute and I sat back down next to Tobias and grabbed the two vials in his pocket and put them in my own as I stood up.

The weeks after were pure torture as I desperately tired to fight the craving for the Diluaded that Tobias had forced into my body; until I gave in and I put the drug into my system willing. Very willing. I tried to hide it from the team and those around me. I didn't have anyone outside of the team around me so it was easy to hide when I was alone. But the team knew something was going on with me. But they didn't know what it was. They just figured that I wasn't sleeping at night because of my nightmares.

But Emily knew. When she questioned me on what the hell I was doing outside the shelter after I told the head shelter women the true facts of the unsub killing homeless people and that she and the people in her shelter weren't safe. I looked into Emily's eyes and I knew that she knew the truth, so I went on the attack and told her that she didn't know me and to leave me the hell alone and I walked away.

But it was when Gideon came to me in New Orleans that I knew that I had to confide in someone and that I had to realize where my life lead. It was with the team, and the FBI. I never told Gideon or anyone that I had caved into the drugs. No I went home and I flushed the drug down my toilet.

I worked out the cravings when I had a long weekend to myself. I went to work the following Monday weak and a little shaky; but I had beat the craving of the drug and I was ready to live my life once more. Simple. Yeah life isn't simple. It's complicated very, very complicated.

I finally noticed what was going around me. Most of the emotions that I felt oozing off the team was directed towards me, all of them were looking at me with concern and edgy; but I felt something else. Something that wasn't directed at me. No I finally felt all the hedged up emotions directed towards JJ. Anger. But not from Hotch, Gideon, Emily or Garcia. No all the anger I felt directed towards JJ was coming from Morgan. No from the rest of the team I felt their concern and their worry for JJ. I looked over and saw JJ for the first time since the ordeal with Tobias. She looked like a wreck. She hid it well with her makeup; but I could tell that she hadn't been sleeping well since the ordeal either. I noticed how tight her body was and how more harden she was.

She wasn't the JJ that I had met on my first day with the BAU.

I tried to talk to her alone but every time I got her away from the team something came up; it looked at times she was relieved that she wasn't alone with me or that she was even in my presence. My heart dropped and knew that I lost JJ for good; so I stopped trying to talk to her. I stayed away from her on the plane when I used to look up too find her and let her know with my eyes that it would be ok for her to come over and mess with my hair.

I myself knew that I deserved to lose JJ from my life as a friend, no our time was spent on a purely business level from now on. I could live with that; because that meant JJ was still alive. But I noticed that Morgan kept growing more and angrier towards JJ. I went to Morgan's apartment and demanded to know why he was so angry at JJ.

Morgan finally told me that it was JJ's fault that I was taken captured by Tobias Henkel; that if JJ had stayed by my side than my ordeal would never have happen. That he blamed JJ solely for what happened to me. Well I very quickly set Morgan straight and told him exactly what happened that night. He looked me deeply in the eyes and knew that I told him the truth and he said that he was sorry for laying it all on JJ's feet. That he had been unfair too JJ. I told him that I wasn't the one he needed to apolize too. I left his apartment.

It should have been simple.

All Morgan had to do was go to JJ and make things right with her. Simple. Yeah right. We all know now that the simplest things in life can be the most complicated.

After I left Morgan's I decided to go to Emily's and try to make things right with her. I knew that I had to follow my own advice. Not to hold onto grudges. And truly I had no reason to hold a grudge against Emily; she after all was just trying to be a friend and help me in my time in need. I worked out what I was planning on saying to her apartment which was in D.C. Well I'll have plenty of time to work out the correct way of saying what I had to say because I have a two and half hour drive before I get to Emily's. Lucky for me it's still early in the evening; so I have plenty of time to get home and get a couple of hours of sleep before I have to get to the office tomower.

I arrived at Emily's apartment and I got out of the car and made my way up to her door and I knocked. One look at Emily and I knew that my well prepared speech was out of the window. She had the gall to demand to know why I was there. I told her in a stumble that I came to make things right between us. I tried to apologize for my behavior towards her and she just brushed it off as it didn't matter.

I grew a little heated under the collar and told her that I didn't know why I even bothered wasting my time coming over and trying to make things right with her in private. If I wanted the brush off than I could have apologized at the office. In public. She snorted that I would just have loved that situation now wouldn't I.

So here is the simple task that I set myself, go to Emily and apologize for my rude behavior towards her and make things right. Yeah another simple thing that quickly turned complicated. I'm on a roll lately.

In my frustration I murmured that I hoped Morgan would have better luck when he went to JJ and apologize for his anger against her. Emily snorted and said that JJ wouldn't accept Morgan's apology anyway. I tilted my head as I looked at her quizzing. Emily told me that JJ was too deep in self guilt, since what happened to me that she wouldn't think that she deserved Morgan's apology.

Before I left Emily's apartment she stepped up close to me and told me what had happened when she and Morgan had rushed into the barn with their guns raised. They saw all the blood and the three dead dogs. JJ had dropped up and with wide eyes and wide hair she had pointed her gun and her flashlight at the police officer and yelled "FBI FREEZE!" When Morgan had calmly stated who he was; JJ was still tightly pointing her gun with her finger just inching to pull the trigger. Emily told me that she had moved slowly to JJ's side and firmly said JJ's name and when JJ slowly turned her head and looked at her; Emily couldn't believe the wild fear she saw in JJ's eyes.

Emily also told me that when she walked past the bathroom and paused to see if JJ was ok; JJ had swung around from the mirror with her gun out and started to point towards her; Emily had said that JJ had that same wild look in her eyes as in the barn. Emily informed me that JJ hid it well but she had noticed that wild look in her eyes from time to time these past months.

I snarled that wouldn't she have the same wild look in her eyes if she had been attacked by three wild dogs whom had just eaten a woman? Emily backed away and tightly nodded and without another word I turned and left Emily's home. I knew that I had to get to JJ and help her heal. I was surprised that the rest of the team hadn't so far. Not even Hotch or Gideon. They were all concerned for me; but they dropped the ball for JJ.

Well I wasn't going to allow JJ to be floating out there in the sea without a life vest; no I was going to swim out there and rescue her. I owed her that.

Simple. Yeah right. Life wasn't simple.

END OF PRELUDE


	2. The Meeting

(Reid's POV)

I pulled up into my parking space and shut off the engine. I looked down at my watch and saw that the time read 5:45 am. I was at the BAU so early because Hotch asked me yesterday if I could run through some past case files to make sure that everything was solved and truly over. I sighed deeply as I reached my hand up and rubbed it over my tired eyes. I wish I had remembered this early morning business before I drove to Emily's place. Yeah that wasn't the wisest thing I ever done. But than JJ's face came to my minds eye and I knew that my long distance drive was important. I turned to open my car and blinked in surprise at the sight of JJ's car in her normal parking space which was right next to mine.

JJ didn't usually come in until nine; she was one of the lucky people at the FBI whose job allowed her to come in at a decent time. Unless we were called in for a case that is - which sadly happened more often than not. But we had just finished up our latest case and I knew the beau was going to be nice to us and allow us to get our breaths. For the next day or two that is. So I was shocked to see JJ's car here at 5:45 am.

I got out of my car and locked the door and made my way to the parking garage elevator which I rode up to floor where the door to the BAU office building was. I pushed open the glass door and I quickly looked around fully expecting to find a very sleepily JJ leaning against the wall or something. But nothing. I walked through the bull pen and not finding JJ sleeping at one of the desks and I looked up to where her office was located and I saw that her door was half open. I put my bag down on my desk and I made my way up to the stairs and passed Hotch's closed door and saw in relief that at least his lights were still shut off. At least Hotch was spending time with his wife and son before he came to work.

I reached out my hand and knocked softly on the door before I peeked in the room. I didn't want to startle her in case she was sound asleep in her office. I looked at her desk – empty. I looked over to where the couch was located and I saw that JJ was in deed asleep. She didn't look comfortable and she didn't have a blanket on her; so she looked cold. I walked over to her and picked up the blanket that was across the back of the couch and I gently and slowly covered her up and I saw at least some of the lines ceased to being on her forehead. But she still had plenty of lines on her beautiful face. I knelt down and gently stroked her stinging blond hair off of her pale face. A move that I would never dream of doing if she was awake. But I had touched her face like this in my dreams, dreams that kept me sane since the first moment I had set eyes on this beautiful blond goddess who had stolen my heart – and who would never be mine. But I felt safe here in her dark office in the early morning when no one was around – so I did the one thing I always dreamt of doing. I touched JJ's face gently.

It seemed to me that JJ visibility relaxed when my hand touched her face, I smiled softly as I realized that even just in her sleep I was a comfort too her. But than I just reminded myself that she felt safe with me and I am sure that if the others touched her in her sleep than she would be calm also. I was nothing special to JJ.

But I could still dream.

I sighed softly as I slowly took my hand from JJ's face but than she tensed up and whimpered so I brought my hand back to softly stroke her face lightly. She calmed down and I smiled softly as I dreamt that it was I Spenser Reid who only could make JJ feel safe.

(Gideon's POV)

I walked into the office fully expecting on seeing Reid hard at work at his desk going over a high stack of folders; and JJ sitting next to him trying to be a good friend and help Reid out on the task that Hotch had asked him to do the previous day. I was surprised not to find either of my team mates in the bull pen and I looked up and noticed that JJ's office door was open and there was a tiny desk light on in there. So that was where the two youngest members of the team were working, I smiled softly as I took the stairs at my normal stride and I went towards JJ's office too let them know that I was here to help with the paper work. I stopped short and looked in the office too find JJ fast asleep on her couch and Reid beside her slowly and loving stroking her face with his hand. I was going to say something but the sight was too precious to destroy. I watched for a few minutes before stepping away from the door and moving towards my office.

The paper work can wait another day. Hotch will understand.

I unlock my office door and step into the room and sigh as I turned on my light. I looked over to the table where there was perhaps over twenty picture frames with different photos in them. The photos of survivors; the photos that remind me why I do the job I do.

I walked to my desk and sat down and went straight to work. Suddenly there was a slight knock on my door and I looked up to see Hotch's serious face.

"What time did you get in?" He asked tilting his head.

"Six." I said with a slight frown on my face and I took off my glasses. "I came to help Reid with the paper work."

"Oh and how much is completed?" Hotch asked leaning against the door frame with folded arms.

"None." I said with a nod. "It can wait for another day."

"Oh really?" Hotch asked with a frown. "I need to speak to Reid about this; he knew that it was important to make a sizable dent in those papers. Strauss will be asking how the progress is going."

"Something came up." I said.

"What was it?" Hotch asked.

I didn't reply I just looked out of my window and towards where JJ's office was located which was across from me on the second floor. Hotch followed my eyes and he nodded firmly. "I see." And I knew than that Hotch understood and wouldn't get after Reid for his slack. I sighed as I looked back down on the file that I was completing from our latest case.

"Meeting in an hour." With that Hotch left my office.

(Emily's POV)

I walked into the office and walked to my desk and put my purse and suit case down. We won't planning on leaving today; but you never knew. My motto has always been come prepared. Sides out of all the team I'm the only one who lived in the heart of D.C. So it wasn't logical for me to be able to drive home and get my suitcase and get to the runaway in time to hit the air. So my suitcase was part of my daily things to bring to the office.

I looked over and saw Morgan at his desk with a slightly deep frown on his face. "Hello Morgan. Late night? Or was it a bad date?" I tilted my head as I moved around my desk so I could lean against it and put my arms across my chest. I had been in my car for a good two and half hours and I just wanted to stand and stretch my legs before I sat back down again.

"None of your business." Morgan said without brothering to look up at me.

"Have you talked to JJ yet?" I asked softly so no one else could over hear us.

Morgan glared up at me. Man if looks could kill than I would be one dead woman. "Reid showed up at my place in a pissed off mood when I didn't accept his apology for his rudeness towards me." I said. "He said he hoped that you and JJ could make things right between you two a lot easier than he and I were seeming doing."

"I haven't spoken to her yet. I was hopping to get her alone first thing but when I got here she had her door closed and locked. "Morgan sighed deeply and brought his right hand up to the back of his head.

"I'm sorry." I said for a lack of anything better to say. I stood straight again and started towards the kitchen for my morning coffee and I gently patted Morgan's tense shoulders on my way. What else could I say …? Morgan and I weren't close. Yet. If we ever would be more than what we were at work. I couldn't make the first move with Morgan; because Derek didn't trust me enough yet. If he ever was going to trust me as a true friend than I had to wait for him to come to me and him be willing to open up.

So I left it for what it was and walked to the kitchen for my coffee.

(Hotch's POV)

I hung up the phone with a slight slam to it. I had just gotten the bi – monthly lecture from Strauss on my role as the team leader. I knew that she thought that I wasn't strong enough anymore to lead the BAU team. The top BAU team that is.

I sighed as I looked brought my arm up and shook off my coat sleeve and noticed that the meeting was about to begin; and I had to be there on time. I called the damn thing after all. I sighed deeply as I brought my hand back on the desk and I pushed my chair back and I stood to my feet.

I walked from my office and saw that my team had all ready left the bull pen and I walked to the meeting room and found everyone sitting at the table waiting for the meeting to start. Everyone expect JJ. "Where's JJ?" I asked as I walked in and took my seat.

"She's not here yet." Emily said with a shrug to her shoulders.

"Derek go and fetch her please. " I said. "She after all has the case files."

I didn't miss Derek's face as he stood to his feet and walked from the office. We were all silent as we waited for Derek and JJ to come and join us. I could feel the tension in the room and it felt like it wasn't due to the case. No it was more of a personal level.

(Morgan's POV)

I sighed through my teeth as I stepped up to JJ's closed door. The door that screamed loudly "KEEP OUT!" But I was sent on a mission and I couldn't fail in the mission – so I raised my hand and knocked – a little too loudly. But I just lowered my hand and with my hands clenched at my side I waited for the door to open.

"Yes?" JJ said with a tight smile as she finally opened the door. I had been standing in tense silence for ten minutes. I looked past her into her office and didn't see anything amiss in there; so I knew what ever she had been doing in there she had plenty of time to put it out of sight. I brought my eyes back onto JJ's face and knew that she wasn't doing anything in her office. "Yes." She repeated and I was back to the mission on hand.

"Hotch wants us in the meeting room, ASAP. They are all ready there and Hotch actually sent me to fetch you." I said in a tight voice.

"Is there anything else?" JJ asked moving past me and walked down the hallway. She didn't brother to wait for me to answer she just walked with her head held high and her back straight and stiff.

"Actually yes there is." I softly said as I sighed deeply and followed her back to the office and I took my seat as she walked around the table and picked up the remote and stopped short at Reid's spot.

(JJ's POV)

I mono tonelessly rattled off the details of the case for the team and I kept a sharp ear out for what they were all planning on doing. As the others were talking and trying to figure out who the unsub was I moved closer to Spence's chair and I laid my hand on the back of his check and slightly played with the end of his hair.

I wasn't even aware that I was doing it – not until I noticed Gideon looking my way with a small smile. I looked down and saw what my fingers were doing and I pulled my hand quickly away and I stepped away from Spence's chair. I moved backwards until my back hit the wall. I was careful to put my facial expression into a straight line and not to show my emotions to my team. I folded my arms and just listened as the others talked. I all ready said everything I needed too for the case up to this point; so now I get to listen to the others talk and take mental note on where each of the team will be planning on being when we all leave this room.

"How so I want Emily and Morgan to go to the victim's home and get the profile going." Hotch said with a nod over to where Derek and Emily were sitting. I watched closely as they nodded back at Hotch.

Hotch turned next to Gideon. "You will be out at the crime scene getting what you need." Gideon nodded. "I'll be coming also." He turned to Spence.. "I want you to stay here and work with Garcia." I watched closely as Spence's head nodded. I sighed in relief that Spence was going to be remaining at the office. Hotch next looked up at me and something seemed to change in his eyes as he looked at me. I swallowed softly as I made sure that nothing was showing on my face. "JJ I need you to join Jason and I at the crime scene. We'll need you too have a first eye witness to what we are seeing before you go in front of the cram as." I nodded.

(Reid's POV)

I sat forward and looked up into Hotch's eyes. "I would much rather go with you guys to the crime scene. I can do more if I see the scene for myself." I looked pleading into Hotch's eyes as I knew that JJ couldn't see my face because she was still standing behind me. I was relieved that only Gideon was paying any attention too us. It looked like Emily, Morgan and Garcia were talking among themselves. Of course it seemed like they grew even more intent when they heard my voice. I wanted to look behind me and see what JJ was doing or what she was thinking as I begged to go along too the crime scene. I wonder if she would figure out that I don't want to leave her side.

"I'm sorry Reid; but I need you to remain here." Hotch said in a steady face. He turned and walked from the room. I looked over at Gideon who shrugged his shoulders and walked from the room himself.

I sighed deeply as I turned in my chair to … Just too watch JJ quickly walk from the room. I sighed deeply as I stood to my feet and saw that Emily and Morgan were leaving the room together. I turned to Garcia "Let's to work sex kitten."

"Come into my lure." Garcia said with a wink as she stood to her feet and walked from the room; I followed behind. I looked over at JJ's office and saw that her office door was firmly shut. "I'll be with you a little later," With that I went towards JJ's door.

"Reid!" Hotch's voice sounded out. I sighed and turned around. "Get to work, now." He said in a firm voice. I opened my mouth to respond and tell him that I just wanted to check on JJ; but than I remembered that the bull pen was quite full of people; and JJ would never forgive me if I allowed everyone at the BAU to know that something personal was going on with her. I sighed deeply through my nose and turned around and walked away from JJ's door.

END CHAPTER ONE


	3. Misunderstanding, Hard Truths

(Emily's POV)

Silence. Uncomfortable silence. I hate uncomfortable silence. I looked sideways at Morgan and knew that he also hated uncomfortable silence. Ok, so perhaps I'm the one who has to start things. "So know any good car jokes?"

Morgan glanced at me a with annoyed look, before turning to look back at the road.

"I'm not Elle." I sighed softly letting my full gaze hit him.

"Never said you were." He said in a stiff voice.

"I'm not trying to replace her. I know that she and you were the ones who shared the same car many times." I said tilting my head to the side. "I know that it brothers you that I'm here with you." I closed my mouth. I said my piece. Now it was up too him.

He remained silent. I sighed softly and turned to stare out of the front window shield.

"I want you to make sure the camera is locked and loaded. I want everyone too have much close ups as you can get." He suddenly said in a cop's voice. "Than I want you to meet me inside."

"Of course." I said in a stiff formal voice, he was my superior after all.

He made a right and than we suddenly at the victim's home. We both got out of the car and got down to business.

(Hotch's POV)

I fully intending to keep JJ behind, she truly didn't need to go to this crime scene. But ever since Hankel I had allowed her to remain behind. Something was in her eyes – something that had been there the entire time – but today I chose to listen, had me bring JJ alone. Without Reid. I had to see if JJ truly could be on the team – in the BAU – in the FBI any more.

Yes it has come to that point. Today would be the test. Because today JJ would have to face her fear. She would have to be around a dog. The dog that was going to be there wasn't the breed of wild dogs that had attacked her – no the dog was just a simple collie. One of the safest dogs out there. I had to see for myself if JJ could handle the job of the BAU.

I'm not trying to punish her, I would never do that. No, I was in fact trying to help her. Help her overcome her fear. Help her get stronger, and get herself back in control of her own body and emotions. Help her realize that not ever dog out there is out to harm her. As not all humans are out there to harm her.

This is why I'm the team leader – because I truly do care about my team – my friends – my family – and I would do anything in this world to save them. I couldn't save Elle – and I would be damned if I couldn't save JJ.

(Reid's POV)

"I don't understand why Hotch wouldn't let me go with them. Why he's so bound and determined to keep me from JJ." I sighed as I looked sideways at Garcia. I could trust her – after all she's JJ's best friend here at the BAU. I knew that she wouldn't do anything to hurt JJ or get JJ kicked out of the BAU and the FBI.

"Honey, he knows what he's doing. He's not trying to hurt my baby girl, he's try to help her." Garcia said looking at me than quickly back at her computer scene. "Sides from what I can see JJ doesn't want you or anyone close to her any more."

I sighed deeply, "I had missed so much. How can I claim to be in love with JJ and want to protect her – if I turned away from her, from the first sign of the very angst unexpected that life has thrown our way. Personal I mean." I licked my lips. "This is my fault. I should have never let JJ out of my arms when the team finally found me in the woods. I should have comforted her and made sure that she fully realized that it wasn't her fault for what Tobias did too me."

Garcia suddenly turned in her seat and grabbed me by the hands, "Don't do this too yourself Spencer Reid. Don't go down this road of guilt – not again. Not over this. You won't -" She looked deeply and sternly into my eyes and soul, "do JJ any good if you are weaken by this. You are still weak and still dealing with your own shit, that you aren't 100 percent ready to heal JJ. Even if she would allow you too."

Tears ran down my checks unheeded. I had to hear this.

(Garcia's POV)

I hated speaking like this too my baby boy, But Spencer Reid needed to hear it – all of it. In order too help JJ. "JJ is the only one who can heal herself with her shit. But she doesn't want too do that – and she doesn't want to her friends in to help her deal."

"Than what are we to do? Let her slip away like we did Elle?" He asked fear in his eyes, he stood to his feet and started to pace to for.

I sighed as I looked at the scene quickly – no new developments. I turned my chair around so I could face my younger friend. "If it comes to that than yes." I said in a quiet tone.

He stopped pacing and turned and looked at me – deadness in his face. "Than you truly aren't JJ's friend." With that he turned and left my office. Shutting the door quietly behind him.

"Yes I am." My whispered voice said as I turned back to the computer scenes and back to work. "Oh yes I do baby boy."

(Morgan's POV)

I looked at Prentiss from the corner of my eyes. I felt bad for the way I have been treating her since the day she arrived. Too take Elle's place. I knew when Elle had left that someone would be filling her spot on the team. But damn if I knew that her replacement would look exactly like her! Well Elle was taller and thinner, a little boner in the face. But Emily had the same hair, eye color. I wondered if Strauss did it on possible to unhinge the team. Wouldn't put it passed her.

Elle was more open – you could tell what she was thinking easily. With Emily is was so much harder. Emily closed herself off tighter than a clam in a clam bake. I can't get a good read on her – I don't fully trust people that I can't read.

But something about Emily made me want to trust her – even without a clear read. She seemed more damaged than anyone whom I had ever met before – and it was more sadder in the fact that she chose to keep it tightly locked up. Well perhaps I could be the one to help her unlock the door – than perhaps the real Emily Prentiss would come bursting out.

My eyes turned back to the road – we were heading back to the office. We had gathered what we needed at the victims house. Emily had been tightly strung around me – but she had soften to a degree with the mother. She was the one who had gotten the shell shocked mother to finally tell us some important things we needed to know about her son. The son whom had cruelly been murdered.

"Look about before," I said.

"Forget it. I all ready have." Prentiss said in a formal voice.

"I don't want to forget it." I said with a sigh. I turned at the next street – and pulled up against a sidewalk. I turned the key and the engine stopped. I turned and faced my teammate fully in the face. Well the side of her face – as her face was set forward.

"We have to get back to the office, Morgan, we have work up the profile." She said without turning too look at me.

"That can wait, for the moment." I said. I reached over and touched her shoulder, she turned and for the split moment I could see how truly upset she is. Than the mask covered her eyes. "I'm sorry for the way I have been treating you since you arrived, Emily, but damn it – it shocked me to the core that you look so much like Elle."

Emily remained silent. She waited for me to continue.

"I'm sorry – I was close to Elle. I was the one who told her how to deal with Hotch in the beginning. I knew that she would be a major assent to the team – so I knew how to get her on it." I sighed. "When she left – the way she left – it was major slap in the face. I was hurt. I understood. But it hurt. I never got a chance to say good bye to her – to my teammate – to my fellow car traveler – to my friend." I sighed.

"Like I said, I understand." She said in a carefully control voice, "Forget it." She turned to face front once more, "We have work to do, Morgan, we have to catch this monster before he or she decides to take someone else's son or daughter from them."

I sighed, turning back around and turning the key. I pulled out into the quiet neighbored and headed back to the office. I had failed trying to break through to Emily. I'm not the one too do it.

(JJ's POV)

I wanted to pull my gun – I wanted to shoot the dog that was coming towards me – ready to attack me – ready to kill me. I felt my hand move to my hip where the gun is. I felt my hand on the butt of it – all I had to do was pull it out – point it at the dog and pull the trigger. Than the dog wouldn't be able to hurt me again.

Suddenly I felt hot breath on my free hand, than suddenly a tongue licked my hand. Memory flashed through my frozen mind – of my childhood. I knelt down and wrapped my arms around the collie's neck and buried my head into it's fur.

I finally pulled away and looked into it's loving and trusting eyes – I saw that this collie was lost and lonely. My head tilted to the right, "Do you need a good home boy?" I softly asked.

(Gideon's POV)

"I've checked around, the dog is a stray." Aaron spoke up from where he was standing just simply watching JJ bond with the collie.

"How about I help you get this guy into the car." I said kneeling down and petting the collie myself. "Perhaps a trip to the vets may be in order."

JJ looked into my eyes and smiled – I could see truly what short of little girl Jennifer Jaurea made. I tilted my head towards the car. She stood up and together dog and girl walked to the car. I stood up and one look at Aaron and followed behind them – with him beside me.

I opened the door and bent down and wrapped my arms around the collie's skinny stomach and lifted him. His two front paws touched the floor and his back paws tried to get up, but they were too weak. I gently moved him forward so I could help the legs myself. He was finally in and laying down on the floor with his head in his paws, and his tail wrapped around his left side.

JJ touched the collie's head and frowned. She didn't lift her eyes as Aaron started the car and drove away. I kept my eyes on her in the review mirror and what I saw pretty much pleased me. JJ was slowly coming back to us.

END CHAPTER TWO


	4. The Collie

(Gideon's POV)

"So how long did you know about the abandon collie?" I looked over at Aaron, we were sitting in two leather chairs in the waiting room.

"I read it in the report. I took it out before the case got to JJ's hands." Aaron shrugged. "I figured that once she saw how poorly the collie was., that she would tell us that we had to find a home for it. I wasn't expecting her to kneel down and hug it. I wasn't expecting her too adopt it herself."

"You were expecting her to go for her gun." I said frowning deeply, "JJ should have remained back at the office. She didn't need to come to with us." I shook my head. "You shouldn't have tested her like that."

"I knew she grew up with collies – I figured it was a safe bet." Aaron said in a firm voice, "I was right."

"But she went for her gun." I said with a sigh.

"Slowly. Gave the collie enough time to come up to her and make the first trust move." Aaron said with a thin smile, I knew it was a pleased smile.

"You could have been wrong – the dog could have been dead …." I held up my right hand, "Or worse one of us could have been serious injured or dead. You risked much, Aaron, just to test JJ."

"I had too know." He said softly with a frown. "I had to know." He repeated.

I sighed and my jaw locked.

(Reid's POV)

I looked up from my desk, towards JJ's office. She still hadn't returned. It doesn't take this long to get what we needed at a crime scene. Usually it's only a couple of minutes or two hours at the most. JJ has been gone for four hours.

Emily and Morgan had returned two hours ago – at least their timing was correct. Morgan was shooting sideway looks at Emily – and Emily kept her eyes firmly on the file in front of her. Her fingers were wrapped tightly around the thin number two pencil.

Sighing deeply I looked towards the front glass doors of the BAU. My eyes widen in surprise as they opened and Hotch, Gideon and JJ walked in. What surprised me was the collie dog walking close to JJ's legs. JJ's hand rested lightly on the back. A peaceful look on her face – but I also still saw the fear in her eyes.

Standing up I walked over and knelt down in front of the collie. "Hello there boy, what's your name?" I asked holding out my hand for the collie to sniff.

The collie reached out and sniffed my hand, than he allowed me to pat it's head.

"His name is Sherlock." JJ said with a soft smile as she knelt down beside the collie's right side.

"Sherlock Holmes …. it fits." I said with a smile. "Hello Sherlock."

The collie – Sherlock – pushed forward and licked my face.

(Emily's POV)

I had stood up also when I noticed the collie next to JJ's side. I moved away from my desk. I kept a sharp eye on JJ's face – her eyes. I had to move closer to her – just in case she needed me. I slowly and carefully moved towards the younger blond woman – I could tell that Hotch and Gideon had a sharp eye on me – but I didn't care – I had to be close.

Suddenly Reid knelt down and started to talk to the collie. I watched as JJ knelt down beside the collie and wrapped her arms around the collie's stomach – I stopped trying to move towards JJ. I smiled in a calm fashion. She was safe – the collie was safe.

"So if you need any help with Sherlock ..." Morgan started to say.

"I'll call you." JJ said in a gentle voice as she looked up at Morgan. "Perhaps you and Cooley would like to set up a dogie play date with Sherlock."

"We would love that." He said, as JJ stood to her feet once more.

I looked at the BAU double glass door and saw Strauss come storming in – trouble.

"Get that dog out of here. This is the FBI … not a dogie day car." She said in a stern loud voice.

(Hotch's POV)

I stiffen up. How dare she come in here and embarrass one of my team – one of my friends – one of my family. I wasn't going to have any of it. Not one bit. "I said that the collie can be here today – we didn't have time to go to JJ's home to drop the dog off. So Sherlock is going to stay here until JJ gets to go home."

"No dogs allowed." Erin said looking me straight in the eyes – her arms folded.

"It's my call. I'm the head of this team. I need JJ here – I can't have her running home right now." I said in a firm voice. Tilting my head to the right. "Sherlock won't be any trouble. If he is than I'll take the full blame.

"One smell from that dog than he's out -" She turned and glared at JJ, "along with his owner." With that she turned and left the BAU office in the way she came.

"I'll take Sherlock to my office." JJ said moving off to the stairs that would led to her office, Sherlock right next to her side. It seemed like he was trying to protect her.

(Morgan's POV)

I got my way back in. I wanted to jump with joy. But I didn't. Not because we were at the office – but because I knew that I was in no way close to getting back to the closeness with JJ that I onced had the honor to share with her. I still had a long road ahead of me.

Reid thinks that all it would take is too go up too JJ and apologize. Than all would return to normal. That's not the case. I had known JJ longer than Reid. After all Reid joined the family a year and half after JJ did.

The moment I left that damn kitchen – without reassuring JJ that I didn't blame her for Reid's situation; I knew that I had destroyed our closeness. But the thing is – deep down I did blame JJ for the situation that Reid had gotten into. JJ was the senior officer on duty – and JJ was the motherly figure of our team – our family. How the hell could she allow Reid to be taken and suffer through the horror that he had too face.

I know that JJ had to face horror herself in the barn – with three rabid human hungry dogs. I know that if one of those dogs had bitten JJ than she would be good as dead – if they didn't chew her up – than she would have been infected by rabis – still no known cue for it. I know that her death would have been painful and horrifying, either way in that situation. But, she was fine – she managed to shoot the three dogs at a dead aim – one of them managed to scratch her – with it's paws thankfully and not with it's teeth. She was safe. She was back in the arms of the team – the family. Reid wasn't.

I was angry and afraid for Reid – who is like a kid brother to me. I wasn't thinking or feeling rationally at the time – I was lashing out at anyone and anything. Granted I didn't state outright that JJ was too be blamed for Reid being taken by Tobias – but I implied it. I told JJ to basically deal with the guilt on her own and I walked away. I didn't even give a damn about JJ and her feelings of guilt. All my thoughts and feelings were too find Reid and get him home.

Even after it passed; I still couldn't bring myself to think rationally and know that JJ truly wasn't solely to blame. That Reid's actions were part of the reason why the horror happened. If he had just stopped and think than non of it would have happened. I still was angry at JJ for allowing Reid to run off without her. I still blamed JJ for not stepping up, for not saying that they needed to get in the SUV, and call for back up. It would have just been a few minutes – the rest of the team – and whatever police officers were on hand at the time, would have gotten out to the farm – we all would have worked together and safely to bringing Tobias in for questioning.

Than I noticed that Reid wasn't bouncing back form his ordeal – I blamed JJ for this. Yeah Tobias was fully to blame for hurting Reid – but Tobias was dead. He was out of my reach. But JJ was alive and in front of me – so it was easier to direct my anger towards her.

My true anger laid knowing the bare facts that Reid actually loved JJ – more than life itself – and JJ refuses to return those feelings. That she simply allowed Reid to lose what innocence he had.

But than things changed – Reid got himself back; not fully; but he was back. He was a more mature, and careful Reid – I had my younger brother back. I started to let my anger go – I knew that I was wrong for blaming JJ. She truly didn't have any control that night – everything had happened within seconds.

I wanted to go to JJ and make things right with her – but than I finally started to notice her. I saw how she literally flinched whenever I reached out to touch her. It looked like when she had her gun pointed right at me – her finger just twitching to pull the trigger. I backed away; until finally I stopped trying to talk to her. At least on a personal level – but when it was necessarily I talked to her professionally.

I knew than that JJ still wasn't over the ordeal of Tobias. That she still carried over vasts mount of guilt over Reid's tragedy, and she still had a fear of dogs. Whenever her eyes came to mine – which wasn't often – I could tell that she associated me with the dogs.

So it's not just a simple 'I'm Sorry' that will fix things between JJ and I. It will be a lot of work, and a lot of tears. Plus JJ has to get over her fear of dogs, and of me. Perhaps now that she has Sherlock she's on the way to heal.

END CHAPTER THREE


	5. Peace Finally Among Two Teammates

(JJ's POV)

Opening the door of the small four bedroom, three bath, two story house that I had bought when I first moved to Virginia – even if I didn't get the job as press liaison for the BAU – I was still going to make Virginia my home. I wanted a house to live in – not an apartment. I was more of a house girl, after all I did grow up in a nice size home back in Pennsylvania. I looked down at the collie who was looking questioning up at me. "Welcome home, Sherlock." I softly said with a slight laugh. I waved my right hand grandly into my home.

Sherlock looked where my hand was pointing, than back up at me. Unsure. I knelt down and stroked the top of his head, in slow moves. "This is your home now, boy, I'm going to be your mistress. You are quite safe here."

He leaned forward and licked me, I laughed and stood to my feet. "Ok, I don't want my neighborers to get the wrong impression here, boy, I mean I'm after human male company after all." I stepped into my home and watched as Sherlock stepped in, cautionary, but at least he's inside. I closed the door just as the last bit of his tail came in. I locked the door, than I pushed the dead bolt in, than I locked the chain, for a last measure I reached up and pushed in the tiny lock that was on top.

I walked further into my home, my eyes shifting too and for – my hand at my waist, where my gun was located. I wasn't taking any chances. I checked each room – twice. During the first round I made sure to turn on all the lights – I hated the dark. Even more now since the dogs. My second round through I turned on my radio and allowed the soft music to wrath through my sound system. I hated quiet. So whenever I was home – after my two rounds of my home I turned music on. I left it on till I left for the office the following day. Along with half my lights in my home.

I walked over to the safe where I kept my gun. I unlocked it and carefully put my gun inside – locking it. I walked over to where I kept my bullets. I put the shells back in the box. Sighing I walked to the couch and tapped the space next to me, "Come up here, Sherlock," He climbed up next to me. I leaned back and absentmindedly started to pet my new dog.

(Reid's POV)

I was so tempted to follow JJ home, I had left the office as soon as she and Sherlock did. We rode in the elevator to the parking garage together. I wanted to invite her out to dinner, or perhaps even a movie. But, than we got to the cars and I lost my nerve. Sherlock looked up at me with understanding eyes – it looked like the collie was telling me to get some balls and just ask the girl out. I sighed deeply and allowed JJ to get into her car with Sherlock and drive away. I lifted my hand right hand and waved.

I had the deep urge to get in my car and follow her home. Just to make sure she was safe of course. But, I knew that if I did and JJ caught me – I would break her trust. Trust was a big issue with JJ, and I couldn't afford to lose that said trust. So I simply got in my car and drove in the opposite direction.

I got out of my car and nodded to the door man, and stepped into the elevator and pushed the right number. I waited impatiently the elevator to slid to a slow stop. Once the door opened enough, I stepped out and walked towards the door that was my reason for coming here.

I raised my hand and knocked, firmly twice. I lowered my hand and simply waited for the door to open.

"Hello Reid," Emily sighed as she stepped aside and waved me into her home.

I walked in and waited for her to shut the door and lock us in.

"Why are you here, in my home, uninvited, again?" She sighed as she leaned back wards against the door, her arms folded across her chest.

I sighed deeply, "I came to make things right with you, Emily."

Her face remained cool and impassive.

"You aren't going to make this easy for me, are you?" I sighed. "I admit I have been a major ass brat towards you from the first time I met you. I fully admit that I didn't give you the chance that you deserved when you first joined us. I admit that I didn't like you – I didn't hate you – but I fully admit that I didn't like you and I wasn't going too."

Her mask was coming undone, but than she got control of herself once more. Her hands tighten on her forearms. At least I was getting somewhere.

"I fully admit that I wanted you gone – that I was just waiting for you to mess up enough so you would be gone. I didn't wish anything bad to happen, but I just wanted you to realize that you couldn't handle the job and have you walk the walk of shame." I said.

Her jaw tighten.

Time for the shock tactic. "I want you to help me, protect JJ. From herself."

(JJ's POV)

I was back in the barn, alone. Expect for the dogs. I knew that Spence was out in the corn field – chasing Tobias, and I was back in the barn alone, and afraid. I had my gun pointed straight forward – with the tiny dim mag light turned on – I swung it slowly to the right, I thought I had seen a shadow – but it was nothing. I turned the light back straight forward – I took a step, a small one. I turned the light to the left – I knew I saw Tobias, I had to get the shot off, before he came for me – but again nothing. I swallowed and turned my light straight forward again – I took a few more tiny steps. My eyes were wide and my breath stopped – I heard breathing and snaring.

I stopped dead in my tracks – I could still get out – all I have to do is turn and run away. I just had to run out of the barn, screaming Spence's name and he would be waiting for me, we could leave the farm. We just had to get to the SUV and drive away. But I couldn't move, I couldn't even think too get my feet to obey a simple begging command. My heart stopped as I heard footsteps coming my way. Oh God, I'm dead. I managed to lift my gun and light slowly and what I saw caught my breath – a mattress covered with blood – human blood.

A low grow to my left made me slowly turn and I cried out in fear as I saw an blood hungry dog – another grow to my right, made me turn quickly in that direction – Oh God another dog, a low grow in front of me, I slowly turned straight once more and locked eyes with the third and final dog. I could feel the life blood run out of me with the sight – I heard a strange cry, "SPENCE!" Who cried out? Who cried out for Spence, and with an raw agony cry.

Suddenly the dogs charged me and I tried to pull the trigger – but the trigger was jammed – Oh God, how did my trigger get jammed! I tried desperately to push in the trigger – a dog knocked into me and I fell sideways. The gun threw out of my hands, I tried to kick and shove the dogs away – but their teeth ripped into me, I tried to cover my face against the teeth – but the teeth in my stomach made me pull them away. Last thing I saw was the blood – my own blood – dripping off the snaring teeth as they came closer to my eyes …..

I jerked up with tears steaming down my face. I looked wildly around – no dogs. I was in my bedroom. I began to shiver and shake, my sweat rolling off of my open pours like an rushing river. It was a nightmare – a living nightmare. I was safe. I was in my own home. Suddenly a snort and a low whine was too the right of me, Oh God the dogs are back. They are back to kill me.

I slowly turned my eyes to look at the dog, if I was going to die, than I wanted to see what was going to kill me. My breath became swallow as I eyed the blood hungry dog. I began to shake even more, I felt the bed shake underneath me – I couldn't face my death bravely, I was scared shitless. Why was it taking the dog so long to lunge and attack me – it fully knows it has won, that it will be eating me, drinking my blood – why won't it lunge and end it.

The dog moved forward. I couldn't take it any more, I had to close my eyes. I couldn't watch as the dog leaped. I would much rather not ….. suddenly I felt a head against my check, I smelt a smell that I hadn't in the barn. My heart slowed down as I slowly opened my eyes – and looked into the trusting eyes of …. "Sherlock," I breathed as I quickly wrapped my arms around the collie and buried my head into his neck.

I broke down in my new collie's neck.

(Emily's POV)

I dropped my arms at his words. "What was that again?" I asked in a low tight voice.

"You heard me." He just said. "JJ trusts you."

"No she doesn't." I said truthfully. "She doesn't trust anyone."

He shook his head, "That's not true. She does trust you and me. More than anyone. I know that you are the one who talked her down in the barn – otherwise she would have shot Morgan." He tilted his head to the right, "You also managed to break through enough at the bathroom ..."

"She was going to shoot me." I said in a tight voice.

"She saw the dogs." He said quickly.

"She still sees the dogs." I replied just as quickly.

"You said her name." He said.

I shook my head, "That doesn't mean that she trusts me. She heard what she needed too at the time. She would have shot me."

"She allows you to get through to her – when she gets afraid. I have been watching, not only recently, but since it happened." He said, "Even while I was going through my own hell, I have noticed JJ," His brown eyes softened, "even when I wasn't aware of it, I still kept a firm eye on JJ."

"You love her." I said in a soft voice.

"So do you." He said.

I shook my head.

"Why are you afraid to let people in, Emily?" He asked.

"We aren't discussing me." I said in a tight voice, my throat tightening up.

"I'm sorry Emily." He said looking me straight into the eyes and into my heart.

"I forgive you." I said with a smile.

(Reid's POV)

"Thank you." I softly said. I knew now that Emily and I were well on our way too becoming friends – to becoming a family. "Help me protect JJ." I softly said holding out my hand for her to take.

She slowly lifted her hand and reached over, placing it on top of mine. I wrapped my fingers around her hand to the top. I felt her fingers around my hand. "How do we protect JJ?" She asked.

"We be there for her. Don't drop the ball with her." I said with a sigh. "We get her to know that she can count on us, no matter what."

"It won't be easy ..." Emily began but than paused.

"She still lets us close to her, she still allows us to touch her." I said thinking of this morning when I touched her in her office, while she was sleeping. "She still senses us, even when she's asleep."

Emily looked sharply at me at that note.

(Emily's POV)

"How many times have you walked in on JJ asleep in her office?" I asked in a impassive voice. My heart stopped and I felt a cold shiver as I waited to hear how he responded, it all counted on his answer, if it was an answer that was too my trusting, than I'll freely trust Spencer Reid. My jaw locked.

"Just once, this morning." He said in an slow voice, licking his lips. "I wanted to touch her, just one, without her being even aware of it." He smiled a soft smile, "It was perfect. Simply perfect."

My heat rose on my face, and I lowered my arms from my chest and locked them in the stranded boxes stanch. "Careful how you preside boy." My quiet steel cold voice entered my ears. I didn't even recognize the voice. My voice.

"I only touched her face," He said in a soft voice, "After that one touch, I moved away. I wanted to get the blanket from back of her couch, and wrap her in it. I did, and she moaned and twisted up in a tight ball, until I was back and touching her face once more. I just slightly ran my hands down her check for two hours, before she stirred and I knew she would wake up. I was out of the office before she opened her eyes, even half glance."

I breathed in easier. My breath caught in my throat when his voice said, "How many times have caught her, and how many times have you touched her?" His voice was low and steady, no jealously or mistrust in it.

"Ten times, four of them she allowed me to touch her." I whispered.

"How do you love her?" His voice was still low.

"As family. If I had a younger sister growing up – I would want her to be just like JJ." I said in a breath.

His eyes lifted and waited for me to continue, "She's truly the first female friend that I have ever made in my life. " My heart skipped a beat, "JJ is actually the first friend whom I have ever had in my thirty eight years on this earth. The first person whom didn't automatically want any politically favors from me – due to mom."

I sighed deeply, trying to fight the rush of feelings that had been safely and tightly locked up – in the darkest reaches of my heart and my soul. But the feelings just kept rushing and rushing – till I finally felt the tears rise up to my eyes, and I felt them slip down my checks.

(Reid's POV)

I stepped forward and wrapped my arms tightly around the shaking and weeping Emily, I didn't mean to make her break like this – her body had began to heave in silent heaves, as she kept trying to tighten her arms around me. I pulled her closer and tightly against me, I felt her tears on my neck, and tears slid down my back. I raised my right hand and began to stroke the back of her head, making shushing nosies through my teeth.

She soon sighed into my neck, and I felt her warm breath against the little sticking up hairs at the base of the skin. I could tell that she would be strong enough to stand on her own once more. I slowly leaned back, and making sure my hands were slightly massaging her arms up to her shoulders.

"Better?" I asked looking into her eyes – and finally seeing the real Emily Prentiss – I liked what I saw.

"Thanks, kiddo." She said wiping her eyes with the tips of her fingers. "I can't believe I have a father confessor who's thirteen years younger than myself." She laughed an chocked up laugh, coughing due to the strain on her pipes since she broke down.

I was pleased with what she said and how said it, image I, Spencer Reid., major genius nerd, a father confessor to such a sophisticated well put together beautiful woman. If someone told me ten years that a woman such as Emily, would ever pay any slight attention to me is so mind boggling.

"Reid -" Emily gently waved her right hand in front of my face.

"I'm sorry, for drifting." I said with a slight shrug of my shoulders.

"You know, Reid, it's too late for you to be driving home safely, you have a two and half hour drive." She smiled, "How about you sleep here, I have a spare bedroom."

I tried to stop a yawn, just managing to cover my mouth before it came out. "I would like that, thanks."

She led me towards the stairs, turning off the lights on her way – leading me upstairs. She paused at the first closed door, "Here's the guest room, the bathroom is just across the hall from you." She smiled and leaned sideways against the wall, "Thanks for coming by tonight, Spencer."

I smiled back as I tucked my hands into my pants. "I should have done it properly the first time I came by."

Reaching across she took my right hand out of my pocket, intertwining our fingers, "It wasn't time at that time. I understood it." She pressed my hand before letting go, "Have a good night, Spencer." She smiled and turned around.

"Night Emily," I said as she reached her closed door.

She turned and nodded slightly, opening the door she passed into her bedroom. I listened for the click , before opening my own door. I stepped into the guest bedroom and closed the door softly.

END CHAPTER FOUR


	6. Spying, Fighting, Unsettling News

(Gideon's POV)

I looked to the right and slowed down, I couldn't believe what I just saw. Well in all actuality I could believe it. But still it surprised me never less – I just saw Spencer and Emily walking out of her apartment building – at peace with one another. It looked like they were relaxed and joking with one another.

I felt my lips form a smile. Small miracles still happen. I turned my eyes straight and continued my way past Emily's apartment. I had been driving past ever since Emily had joined the team. She didn't know it – she would be extermly put out if she knew that I was keeping a eye out on her.

I left JJ alone; because I know Spencer had her covered. I hadn't really watched over the female members of my team – my family – until Elle left. I should have watched over Elle more closely than I had; I knew how truly fragile the young woman truly was. But I was still trying to through my guilt over my six team members that I sent in to the building – just to die from a mad bomber – the bomber that I honestly believed. I had let my team (I was head of the BAU back than) walk into their deaths. There deaths laid squarely on my head. No amount of asking for atonement or praying about will – will erase that fact. I wouldn't allow it. I couldn't.

I let Elle down – I knew that she truly needed me; after all I was her 'dad'. I had to smile at the memory of her calling me dad – after she was rescued from the train – and I firmly told her never to call me that again. I just walked away and joined Hotch with the head of the local police force. I began to distance myself from Elle from than on – I couldn't allow her to get too close to me; it would be the death of her.

In the end it was almost the death of her – not closeness with me. No. The BAU was almost the death of her. She was shot by our unsub when I ordered JJ to make things public – it was against the ubsubs rules – and Elle paid dearly for it. She managed to live – but she was never the same. When she shot the sexual predator unsub – I knew that would be the end of her. I wasn't surprised when Hotch told me that she quite while we all – minus her and Hotch – were on a case.

Elle became lost because I couldn't put myself out on the line and protect her. That would never happen again. I promised myself. I looked at JJ and Penelope under new light – but I knew that they were well protected by Spencer and Derek respectfully.

When I spotted Emily outside Hotch's door – with a box in her arms – and a uneasy and uncomfortable look on her face – I knew that she wasn't someone I could let down. Ever. I knew Hotch wasn't taken with her – not right away – he was still reeling from Elle quitting. I followed Emily back to her apartment after we had gotten back from the case.

I had been following Emily home every single night – to make sure she arrived in her doorman apartment building safely. I couldn't let her down – not like I had with Elle or my six dead team mates.

(Morgan's POV)

I sighed as I pushed my chair closer to my desk. I had paper work to work on; before we had our afternoon meeting. We all agreed that this one case allowed us to remain at the office – we didn't even have to camp out at the local police station – it would have been a waste of time anyhow, the case that we had to solve – or attempt to solve was local – it actually doesn't need any of the police involvement – unless we our selves call them in. That was a change of pace – matter of fact I quite actual like this style – no need to try to impress police officers whom don't care for the BAU – no proving that we know our jobs – although we aren't on a beat.

"Baby cakes, I need to speak to you." A female voice said in my ear.

I smiled as I twisted my head and looked into Penelope's baby blue eyes, "Sweet tang – how did you know that I wanted to look into your beautiful face."

"I'm the mind reader for the sexiest of all man alive, I know all." Penelope whispered in my ear, before standing straight and tall once more. "But seriously, have you made things right with JJ yet?"

I sighed and frowned.

"I take that as a no." She frowned deeply.

"I'm trying, baby, it's just not the time is all." I said lifting my left shoulder and brought it back down.

(Gracia's POV)

"You aren't trying hard enough." Frustration laced my voice. "You have had weeks, Morgan, simply weeks to make things right with her."

"Perhaps it's JJ who needs to come to me, perhaps she needs to make the first move here, Gracia." Anger laced his voice, along with pain.

But I wasn't going to let him get to me, not this time. I couldn't. My girl needed me. "You are the one who has to approach her sugar," my voice had soften. Laying a hand on his firm and strong left shoulder, "She still thinks you blame her, and rightly so – over what happened to Reid."

His jaw twisted to the right and than left. He lowered his eyes in the face of truth.

"But she mostly blames herself, darling. There is no way that she is going to forgive herself – or even allow Reid's forgiveness in. Perhaps if you forgive her finally than she'll finally let go of all the damn guilt." I said looking compassionately down into my friend's eyes. "Go to her."

"She'll know that I'm lying." He said. "I will do more harm than good right now."

I sighed and turned and walked away without another word.

(Reid's POV)

I pulled in to my space – right next to JJ's. I opened my door and reached over and touched the front of her car. I was relieved to still feel the warmth. That meant JJ just got here – she didn't sleep in her office again. So Sherlock managed to keep her home last night – I have to remind myself to give that dog a big milk bone. I leaned into my car and grabbed my messenger bag. I stepped away and shut the door and swung the bag over my shoulder and headed towards the door that would led up to the office.

It was time to get to work. It was time to solve this latest case. The sooner the better.

(Emily's POV)

I walked up the stairs and knocked firmly on Gideon's door. I didn't brother to wait for his voice, I just opened the door and walked in. I closed the door firmly but not enough to alert anyone – or quite frankly everyone (I wanted to slam that door so bad) of my bad temper. I didn't want an audience here or anything. I just wanted answers. Jason Gideon held them for me.

"Emily." He said in a calm voice as he looked up from his paper work.

"Why the hell are you spying on me?" I demanded folding my arms across my chest.

"Too keep you safe." He said in a calm voice.

"I'm almost forty years old, Gideon – I don't need a father watching out for me." My lips tighten, "Hell my own father doesn't give me this short of attention, not even when I was still a child." My jaw clenched as I realized that I revealed something about myself that I didn't want anyone on the team to know about. Shit. I have to get a hold of my temper – breath calmly now Emily, put the anger back in it's draw and just lock it tight once more.

"I'm not going to lose another team member." He said in a steady voice.

"Are you following JJ and Gracia around also?" I saw the truth in his eyes. My anger rose once more. "How about Reid, Morgan and Hotch?" I sneered. "I don't need to be handled with kid gloves, sir, I can take care of myself just fine. I have done so since I learned to walk." I tried to force the anger back in it's proper draw – but damn it all to hell it doesn't want to be touched.

(JJ's POV)

I walked by Gideon's office, on my way to the bull pen – when Emily's tight voice came through the crack of the door. I stopped in my tracks and put my hand on the knob. I was going to close the door – it sounded like she and Gideon wanted some privacy. But, than the raw anger in Emily's voice hit me and I listened in.

"I don't need to be handled with kid gloves, sir, I can take care of myself just fine. I have done so since I learned to walk." Emily's voice came through – and I could tell that she was trying to fight back her anger – and another emotions. Sadness, loneliness, fear.

"Everyone needs someone in there corner, Emily." Gideon said in a calm fatherly voice. I smiled as I thought of how many times Jason Gideon had used that exact tone of voice with me over the past several years that we worked together. It always calmed my soul.

"Stay out of my life, sir." Emily said in a hard voice. "I have not invited you in. I will never invite you in."

"Why are you so afraid to let others in, Emily?" Gideon asked.

I suddenly heard something break. I jerked the door opened and found Gideon's coffee mug in pieces on his desk, and liquid falling in slow drips onto the floor. Gideon was sitting in a calm fashion and Emily had wide eyes as she looked at him than at me than at him again.

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me.

(Hotch's POV)

My head ripped up as I heard the crash coming from Jason's office. I heard the door shut firmly – I stood to my feet and left my office. I looked down in the bull pen and found a dozen or so eyes clued up here. I glared down at them and every one – minus Derek and Spencer went back to work. I frowned and my two teammates sighed and went back to work themselves.

I walked down the hall to Jason's office and saw through the window – he was sitting calmly at the desk with JJ and Emily standing on the other side. Oddly enough JJ was calm – it was Emily who was tightly strung. I wanted to open the door and handle the situation – but I saw that Jason had it under control. I walked back towards my office and watched the bull pen. If anyone was going to try to come up the stairs than I'll stop them.

(Emily's POV)

"Shit." I breathed out.

"It wasn't my favorite mug." Gideon said pushing his chair back from the desk. He walked around and stood in front of me – covering the mess that I had caused in my anger.

"Emily." I felt JJ's hand on my arm. I couldn't help it, but I jerked it away and stepped away from her. I saw the hurt in her eyes – and I felt guilty over it. I promised Spencer that I would be there for JJ and get her to fully trust me. But, I can't with this. Never this. How can I when this was about my personal life. When if I allow JJ in to my deepest reaches of soul – than she would be more destroyed than even now. No, I can't allow that to happen.

(Gideon's POV)

"I'm here for you, Emily." JJ said softly as she tried once more to reach out to Emily. But once more Emily moved out of JJ's reach. I watched JJ shut down once more – and was deeply sadden to see this development. It looked like JJ was finally coming back to us.

I wanted to say something when my phone's intercom beeped, "Sir, I have found something." Gracia's voice shot quickly out into the room.

Both Emily and JJ turned to look at the phone – their faces masked in the BAU's mask. It was time to get back to work. "What is it?" I asked not turning to face my phone.

"The unsub's name is, Kevin O'Neal." Her voice said in a tight voice. "He works and lives in the area that you, Hotch and JJ found Sherlock yesterday. He abuses collie dogs. Sherlock was targeted as one of them."

JJ's breath hitched. I watched as Emily moved foward and put a hand on the younger blond's shoulder. My lips thinned. "What else aren't you telling us?"

"He prefers long legged, brown eyed brunettes, middle aged." Her voice said.

"Thank you Gracia." Emily said in a firm voice. "Time to inform the rest of the team." With that she walked to the door and walked out. I followed a tightly wound up JJ from my office.

END CHAPTER FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting to the actual case that they are working on.
> 
> The breakdown of this story goes as following – Reid and Emily are going to work closely with one another to try to break through to JJ and help her heal. But, Emily will also have to allow someone inside her for her to heal from her upbringing. This is going to be a firmly friendship building fic for JJ/Emily/Reid. Perhaps even JJ/Spencer finally admitting their love for another one fic.


	7. Decoy Fighting

(Morgan's POV)

"No." Hotch said in a firm tight voice – his arms tightly around his chest. His chin jerked out as he glared into Emily's brown eyes.

"Why the hell not." Emily said in a soft professional voice. No emotion whatsoever.

"I said no, Emily, and that's final." Hotch barked back.

"I'm the only one who can …." Hotch quickly cut her off.

"You are off the case, Agent Prentiss. Return to your desk immediately." Hotch turned around.

I smirked. I knew Emily well. I knew she wouldn't leave this one alone. Not by a long shot. I looked at Hotch's profile and hid a grin – Aaron Hotchner you don't know what you just got yourself into man.

"With much ado and a lot of respect, sir, but I can't obey you. I'm the only choice. The only logical choice for that matter." Emily said in a steady voice. "Where is the panic button, sir?"

Hotch swung quickly around, "Agent Prentiss you are hereby fired." Holding out his hand, "Turn in your gun and badge, and leave this office. You are no longer or needed here."

"Aaron." Gideon said in a calm and steady voice.

"Stay out of this, Jason, I'm the team leader, my word is final." Hotch said not taking his eyes off of Emily.

(JJ's POV)

I was standing behind Spence's chair – as always. Looking wide eyed and thankfully unnoticed from everyone else. I looked uncompensated at the scene as it was unfolding in front of my eyes. I just couldn't believe that it has gotten to this point between Hotch and Emily.

I whole heartedly agreed with Hotch on this one …. Emily shouldn't be risking her life here – not now – not ever. There was someone else who fit the bill of goods, a decoy who was actually trained to be a decoy. Emily didn't need to put herself on the line for us to catch the unsub.

I could tell that Emily wasn't going to back down – no matter what. She was going to be the decoy; even if it meant her job. Hell, she was stubborn enough to be the decoy even if she had to turn in her badge and gun.

"I'll turn in my badge and gun, sir, but I'll be the decoy no matter what." A thin line was Emily's lips as she said what I knew she was going to say. Very slowly she undid the hostler from her hip, pulled out her badge from her pocket, and unclipped her name tag. She held all three items out and they just barely touched Hotch's outstretched fingers.

Hotch's fingers moved but they didn't wrap around Emily's things. "Why are you being so God damn stubborn Emily." He sighed as he remained still.

Emily remained silent. Her hand still outreached. It was a show down between two stubborn people – neither want to give quarter – neither wants to receive quarter.

(Gideon's POV)

I agreed with Hotch here – don't get me wrong. I knew that Hotch was right for denying Emily the decoy job, up to this point – Emily had never gone solo for the team. She hadn't been a decoy (per say) yet, and I knew that Hotch was thinking of Elle when he denied Emily's request. Elle's face flashed through my own mind and I knew that Emily just wasn't prepared or ready to play decoy.

But than things started to snowball, quickly. Emily wasn't going to take no for an answer here. I knew she was prepared to fight for what she wanted – and what she wanted was to prove that she was strong enough too put herself in the line of fire. For the team.

I stood to my feet and stepped in between the two heated teammates. I managed to gently grab hold of Emily's out stretched hand and lowered it to the side, taking her holster from her tight hand. Looking down I slipped the clip firmly in place at her side. I looked up into her eyes – boy they were still stormy. I let my hand go back to hers and took her badge and name badge from her. I gently put her badge back into her pocket. Lifting my hands I clipped her name badge back on her right breast pocket (of course making sure I didn't touch her).

(Reid's POV)

I didn't miss notice Hotch's look as Gideon stepped in between him and Emily. It was very curious how much more angry he got when Gideon touched Emily's hand. Hotch's eyes glinted as Gideon took her gun and put it back on her waist. His hands clenched at his sides as Gideon went to put her badge back in her pocket – if looks could kill than Gideon would be dead; once Gideon put Emily's tag back on her breast pocket.

Hotch managed to go back to his impassive head of the team face before Gideon and Emily looked back at him. I had too keep a sharp eye on this situation. Because from where I sat, it looked like Aaron Hotchner was jealous of the attention that Jason Gideon paid to Emily Prentiss. Hotch was very much married to even think of another woman, (but I knew that Hotch wasn't too happy in his marriage at the moment). But if he even thought that an affair with Emily would keep his bed warm – than he has another thing coming. I won't have Emily hurt and I know that Hotch would hurt her (not meaning too, but he would hurt her in the end.)

But Gideon on the other hand was free as a bell. I could really see a perfect match between him and Emily. My father figure should be happy finally. Dreams of Gideon and Emily living happily ever after danced in my head.

(Emily's POV)

I looked into Hotch's eyes and knew that I could win this fight, I had too. "Sir, I won't be alone out there." Turning to JJ, "If I may borrow Sherlock for an afternoon? We'll get the unsub and than Sherlock will be safe."

She tighten up and moved her hand to rest on top of Reid's shoulders. I saw Reid twitch in surprise, and slight pain. His hand reached up and placed on top of hers. JJ relaxed visibly. "All right." She said in a shaky but firm voice.

I smiled gently and nod. I turned back to Hotch. "I'm the only one who can do the job, sir. Just let me do the job that I got hired for."

"You were not hired to be decoy." Hotch said in a steel voice.

"Actually sir, I was." I said tucking down my suit jacket and lifting my head.

Hotch sighed deeply. "Fine." He hissed.

I smiled thinning and sat back down. "So what is the plan."

(Hotch's POV)

I hate losing. Losing to Emily was the worst. How could I truly allow her to put herself in danger just for the team. Just for me. I won't have it. I just won't have it. But I knew that I lost. Big time. Well this will never happen again – I will protect Emily even if it costs me my damn job.

I sat down at the head of the table.

"You and Sherlock will walk in the park. Perhaps even play fetch the ball for a bit." Morgan was saying playing with his blue ball pen. "I'll be close by – as will be Gideon and Hotch." He continued in a calm steady voice.

I listened very closely without taking my eyes off of Emily's face as she listened and watched Morgan intently. There was no way I was going to allow any danger or harm too come too Emily Prentiss – if and when the unsub makes one move against Emily – than I will step in and make sure he will pay dearly for the action.

END CHAPTER SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hotch is still married to Hayley …. they are having major problems in their marriage but divorce hasn't come up yet. Hotch is just being very protective of Emily because of what happened to Elle. He doesn't want Emily damaged beyond prepare …. so he's just over protective as a boss should be (at least that's what he keeps telling himself at this point. But as I'm a major H/P fan that will of course change later on in their lives. Perhaps in this story or perhaps not).
> 
> I'm also thinking of some Gideon/Emily romance for this story. I don't know if I will go in that direction or not. But oh how I love to play with Hotch's emotions this way.
> 
> If you guys want a Gideon & Emily romance in this story than just leave a review … and if you don't than leave a review for that. I'm not promising anything here …. it's all depend on what my muse wants and all.


End file.
